If loving is right, I think I might be wrong

How seriously do we take the Bible?

Jimmy Carter took it pretty seriously when he said that he has committed adultery in his heart. He was looking seriously into the sermon on the mount, where Jesus speaks to the heart of the matter, that adultery is not about an act: its about what happens to you that makes that act possible. Essentially, it is about the internal struggle to be perfect.

Lots of us are good at being perfect on the outside. We’re yelling and screaming one minute and the next we’re pulling into the church parking lot, ready with a smile. Or we’re exploding at home and answering in our mildest voice on the phone. However we might define “outside,” whether in a public setting or any place outside of our thoughts, we strive for and value some degree of control of the surface.

Oh, but inside, inside all kinds of half-formed desires, all manner of self-destruction, all types of vice is being conceived and aborted before it ever sees the light of day. Who are we really? Why the great conflict? Are we the double-minded man, unstable in all his ways? Does the conflict mean we are still bound by the law, not yet truly freed from its fulfillment? Does this internal cold war with all kinds of proxy wars waged with our kids, spouse and co-workers mean that we’re still enlisted and serving in the Lord’s army?

Whose side are we on? Why is it so easy to feel like a double agent? Why is the law of love the hardest one to follow? Why does it have to be first?

Love is something we do, actively, but not just externally. That’s the problem. It’s easy to give yourself over to some form of action. Look at Mother Theresa. All right, “easy” is not the right word. Rather, it is an act like exercising or choosing the salad over the burger. It is changing what you do. But to actually like the salad, enjoy the work out (not just its benefits) and love others (rather than just help them), these things don’t just happen, do they? They are something you feel or something you are.

The big fight for me is this: do I do what I think I should do to become who I think I should be or do I become who I think I should be to do what I think I should do? Free the mind and the body will follow or free the body and the mind will follow?

Where your treasures are, so will your heart be also. That’s why we store up treasures in heaven. Perhaps that’s it. It starts by acting in good faith. At the same time, we are to pray for guidance that this act bears fruit. I can’t wait to be perfect before I start living right. But the fear of failure is so strong . . . and objects at rest tend to stay at rest. Fear and inertia must be the two strongest forces in my life. I’m not really sure that they are surmountable.

This whole line of thinking started by watching American Psycho. (Notez bien: If you watch it, keep in mind that it’s satire.)